Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy New Year of Awesome Perfection!



Happy New Year plus one day! I love New Year’s, and I always make at least one resolution. This year, I resolve to be 100% perfect in all manner of things, which means I will no longer be allowed to:

Eat holiday (any holiday) candy for breakfast;
Pretend I don’t know the dishwasher needs to be unloaded;
Take a pair of either son’s boxer shorts out of the dirty clothes and say they are from the clean laundry;
Curse at drivers ahead of me who are going the exact speed limit;
Gossip;
Watch more than 10 minutes of a bad movie;
Order French fries for an entrée;
Act like I’m not home when a stranger rings the doorbell;
Hide the occasional clothing purchase from my husband;
Count a sugar-free Slurpee as one of my eight daily glasses of water;
Claim to drink eight glasses of water a day;
Nod like I understand what smart people are talking about at parties;
Claim to be invited to smart peoples’ parties;
Pretend that walking my 9 ½ year old dog counts as working out;
Skip entire sections of my book club books;
Tell everyone that this is the year I’ll finally take up yoga;
Imply that I loved kale as a child;
Spend two hours blog-hopping and call it writing time;
Feign interest in technology, gadgets, apps, and i-anything;
Recycle news magazines without even opening them; and
Roll my eyes sarcastically and, when observed by husband I didn’t know was watching, pretend that I wasn’t rolling my eyes, I was having contact lens issues, which then requires that I remove said contact lenses to make it appear legit.

I expect that by the end of the week, or sunset today, at least half of this list will be out the window, but until then I will enjoy my thirty-two seconds of New Year’s perfection. 






3 comments:

Tonja said...

So funny! Blog-hopping isn't writing time?

lizy-expat-writer said...

Great list - I didn't even bother to make one. Well, I have a mental one but I don't want to jynx it by saying it out loud! Happy 2013.

Jenny said...

Thanks, Tonja. It isn't the way I do it :-)

Thanks, Lizy. Good luck with your mental list!